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To start the final day of the LEDE 2011, participants practiced difficult conversations after national trainer Michael Roberts took them through some tips for planning those conversations. First, Roberts discussed how to do it badly:
1. Assume you're right.
2. Try to be 100 percent correct on every point.
3. Don't ask enough questions.
4. Don't listen well.
5. Wing it.
So, how do you do it right?
Ask yourself some questions: What is the purpose of the conversation? How am I feeling? What do I need to know? What could I have done differently? Who is your "opponent"? But don't view the person as an opponent, view him or her as a partner to find a solution.
"It's not a conversation about me against them," Roberts said. "You're trying to figure out what is going on through inquiry or by giving the person the issue so you engage the person as a partner to resolve something."
Set a goal: Decide what you feel needs to be the outcome of the conversation. Stay focused on the situation and don't let the person or yourself stray from that focus.
Inquire: Figure out what's going on.
Acknowledge: Most people won't give up until you hear them.
Get people involved in finding solutions together. You can say, "I need your help."
Accept: This will be tough, but planning and using techniques to manage the situation can turn difficult conversations into opportunities.
Logistics: Choose a good time and a good place. Could be an office, coffee shop, etc.
Focus on the behavior, not on the person. Avoid using pronouns, "you" or "I."
Bottom line: Develop key questions; always ask for solutions; ask how I can help.
To start the final day of the LEDE 2011, participants practiced difficult conversations after national trainer Michael Roberts took them through some tips for planning those conversations. First, Roberts discussed how to do it badly:
1. Assume you're right.
2. Try to be 100 percent correct on every point.
3. Don't ask enough questions.
4. Don't listen well.
5. Wing it.
So, how do you do it right?
Ask yourself some questions: What is the purpose of the conversation? How am I feeling? What do I need to know? What could I have done differently? Who is your "opponent"? But don't view the person as an opponent, view him or her as a partner to find a solution.
"It's not a conversation about me against them," Roberts said. "You're trying to figure out what is going on through inquiry or by giving the person the issue so you engage the person as a partner to resolve something."
Set a goal: Decide what you feel needs to be the outcome of the conversation. Stay focused on the situation and don't let the person or yourself stray from that focus.
Inquire: Figure out what's going on.
Acknowledge: Most people won't give up until you hear them.
Get people involved in finding solutions together. You can say, "I need your help."
Accept: This will be tough, but planning and using techniques to manage the situation can turn difficult conversations into opportunities.
Logistics: Choose a good time and a good place. Could be an office, coffee shop, etc.
Focus on the behavior, not on the person. Avoid using pronouns, "you" or "I."
Bottom line: Develop key questions; always ask for solutions; ask how I can help.
